Why I Didn’t Write Last Week, Or, This Is Kind of Pathetic

I'm never doing this maneuver again.
I’m never doing this maneuver again.

Last week a funny thing happened on the way to getting smarter: I threw out my neck. What started as a “super brain” yoga pose ended up with me rushing to my doctor for muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatories, and later catching up on my “Sex and the City” reruns.

My friends used to say I was the most like Miranda. She was the least likeable character, I thought. The most driven, the most likely to get in everybody’s faces about their stupid decisions, the worst dressed … sigh … But since I’m not a fashionista or a sexaholic or a prim WASP — guess that left Miranda.

As luck would have it, the episode where Miranda throws out her neck came on. OOOH, I AM MIRANDA! (Thankfully, my BFF’s cute boyfriend didn’t have to pick my naked self up off the bathroom floor.) I remembered watching that episode way back in 2001 or 2002 or whenever it first aired and thinking, That’s weird; necks go out the way backs do? Seemed pretty farfetched that it would be sooo painful and that Miranda would be thaaaat incapacitated.

MirandaHahahaha! Joke’s on me!

Now I realize that I’ve been taking my neck for granted. Without our necks, we’d just lie around like blobs, which is what I did for days. The first morning after my neck went out, I couldn’t get out of bed. I kid you not. I squirmed around for an hour trying to figure out how to get up without using my neck muscles. I ended up bunching the pillow under my neck and head and then holding the weight of my head in my hands as I rose. It was still excruciating and I whimpered, but I managed to make it to the couch with my medications.

So here I give you five reasons we should not take our necks for granted:

1. As a conduit through which water, food, and air pass — kind of important.

2. If you can’t turn your head, you can’t drive. No freedom! No midnight MickyD runs! No book stores!

3. A life without necklaces and scarves? I think not.

4. That classic right of passage, the hickey. Gotta be on your neck — gotta be. Otherwise where’s all the delicious adolescent humiliation-pride?

Jolie5. We’d look like this! Even Angelina Jolie looks creepy without a neck.

Fun and games aside, how’s my writing, you ask? See the PLOT PERFECT book on the coffee table? Yeah, I didn’t open it. At all. Back to it this week!

So, when’s the last time your body turned traitor on you? Which SATC character are you–or, if you’d like, which would you sleep with?

10 thoughts on “Why I Didn’t Write Last Week, Or, This Is Kind of Pathetic

  1. My body revolts with migraines when I don’t take care of myself, when I over-stress, when I have that extra glass of wine, when…(you get the idea). *sigh*

    When that happens, I’m curled up in bed in the darkness. No writing for me!

    As for SATC, I must confess to having never seen an episode.

  2. There’s nothing pathetic about hurting your neck. People don’t realize how heavy your head is until they have a neck injury. The weight of your head can cause excruciating pain. There are all kinds of pains in the neck, whiplash, strain, degenerative disk, and so on. There is also that of being “a pain in the neck” which according the American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms is a euphemism for another colloquialism. “a pain in the arse.” You are positively correct when you expound upon the uses of the neck beyond supporting your head – a place to hang a scarf or necklace, hold up your turtleneck, “rubber-neck”, etc. You are again correct in that if you have a true pain in the neck, versus being a pain in the neck, you cannot write, nor can you read nor do much of anything else that puts a strain on your neck. In other words, forget the housework, cooking, writing, and just about everything else, and let your neck heal.
    Hope you feel better soon.

    1. Hello macjam! I agree, the neck spasm itself isn’t pathetic — it getting while doing a yoga pose that confounded me! It’s actually kind of funny.

      I’m glad being a pain in the neck doesn’t correlate with having a pain in the neck — otherwise, I’d be hosed! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. I’ve had that (having to lift your head in your hands, trying not to make it hurt more as you try to get vertical). You have my sympathy. It shows how many things your body does for you all the time that you take for granted.

    As for SATC, I’ve seen a few episodes, and I don’t remember identifying with any of the characters, or wanting to sleep with them. The TV characters I’ve wanted to sleep with were more like Angelique on Dark Shadows: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSzYdWBBuGw ๐Ÿ™‚

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